Monday, December 23, 2013
An open letter to my father
Hi Dad:
I'm writing to you because I am going to be a father for the first time. Also, you have been popping up in my dreams lately. Each dream is about the same where you come back after so many years and you ask me 'what have I done'?
Also, my wife and I have our little baby Ben's room decorated and put together. All we need now is for Ben to arrive. If I end this letter abruptly at anytime, that means it's go time for me to get my wife and I to the hospital.
A lot has happened in the six-and-a-half years since you passed away. Near the end of 2007, I met a beautiful woman named Kelly Sanders who agreed to go out on a few dates with me. They went so well we became a couple within 10 days and we have been together for six years. You were right that a good woman would come along for me and that all I had to do was be patient.
Before I met Kelly, I met up with a cat named Phillip. One of my former CNN colleagues asked me if I wanted to adopt him. I was reluctant at first because I never owned a pet except for that goldfish in high school. I couldn't resist the look on that cat's face, and before you know it, I adopted him. I renamed him Daniel. Daniel T. Cat was his name. He was one of my favorite cats of all time. Of course he scratched me, walked on me, meowed at me, sat on my lap, and loved me. I bet you never thought I would be a cat person.
I also took a record 4 trips out west from here in Atlanta from May-December of '07. I went to California 3 times and Arizona twice. I even pulled off a sports trip extravaganza during the Christmas Holiday that year. That was where I went to an Arizona Cardinals game against the Atlanta Falcons at the new home of the Arizona Cardinals, University of Phoenix Stadium. The next day (Christmas Eve 2007) I attended a San Diego Chargers game against the Denver Broncos for Monday Night Football. My first and last Christmas by myself, I attended a Phoenix Suns/Los Angeles Lakers game at Staples Center. After that, I retreated to my motel room and konked out for the night.
In 2008, I went on my first cruise ship. Kelly and I took a trip to Miami to board a Carnival Cruise to Key West and Cozumel. I am now addicted to cruises and want to go back on them again. I've been to four in total with the last one to tell you about later. Later that year, it felt right to ask Kelly to move in with me, and she did. She has done wonders on the house I still live in today. It has truly become our home. I even took to painting the inner walls of the house that year. Let's just say I got better at painting as time goes on.
In 2009, one of your old friends, Frank Vale Sr., called me looking for you one day. I had to tell him that you were no longer with us. Sometime after that, he told me that my mom didn't die the way you told me she did. With the help of Kelly, she helped my find my mom and that side of the family. It was one of the most exciting, important events of my life. Mom, Gena, Helen, and George (and all of their children) welcomed Kelly and I with open arms. It was a sad day for me when I had to leave the Tulsa Airport. The flight home was made worse when our flight got delayed and missed our connecting flight in Memphis and didn't get home until way, way late on Labor Day 2009. I've gone on to visit my mom and family about three times a year since then.
2010 would prove to be a difficult year working for CNN and cnn.com for me. At the some time, March 2010 was a great time for me because that was when I got engaged to Kelly on Tybee Island, GA. It was the happiest day of my life at that point. In August of 2009, I took an editing rotation for cnn.com so that I could have weekends off. That decision made for great quality time with Kelly as we got to spend more time together watching movies, going to games, visiting her family with her, and visiting my family with her. January 16, 2010 was the first birthday that I knew of that I got to spend my birthday with my mom, and it has been the only one to date.
Part of my problems with working for cnn.com was that I got rushed a lot in having to edit multiple video requests at one time. The people that were making requests were rude, didn't know the rules of what videos I could post and not post, and didn't like what I edited when I put a lot of time and effort into them. There were times I got frustrated and 'blew up' at people, and I did that either by phone, in person, or e-mail. I just felt disrespected and never got the due that I deserved for the work that I did. The best thing that was said on my review was that I could edit a ton of video each day. I did that because I had to. I had too many "ASAP" requests that I believe never should have been "ASAP." I tried not to complain about the heavy rush workload for so long before I failed and did complain.
In 2011, I was winding down my rotation at cnn.com because I was told I needed to get back into the edit pool and sharpen my skills on our new editing system, Final Cut Pro. On April 2, 2011, the best day of my life, I got married to the beautiful, wonderful Kelly Sanders on board the Carnival Imagination in Jacksonville, Florida. My mother and my sister Helen were there and it was beautiful. That meant so much to me for both of them to be there with me and Kelly.
After I returned from my honeymoon, I returned to work at CNN. On my first day back, I had an incident where I didn't see an interview feed in from London that I was supposed to edit and send to playback. The associate producer yelled at me and gave me a hard time. She made it seem like it was my fault. I admit I had a slow start in getting back into the work groove, but I thought I was gaining steam. Later on that day, one of my bosses told me that one of the post production editors got injured. That forced one of the regular cnn.com editors to move back to post production, and I was asked to move back to cnn.com for the day (and for a while).
I didn't mind the assignment at first, but after a while, weeks, months would go by and I found myself working more at cnn.com video than I did inside the CNN Edit Pool. Only four weeks into my marriage, I suffered a big health scare. I had to call 911 and get an ambulance to go to the hospital. At first, I thought I was having major chest pain (something close to a heart attack). Instead, it was just a case of acid reflux disease. I gave up junk food, fried foods, soda, and coffee for at least four months. I lost weight along the way and I dropped down to as little as 169 pounds in the procuess.
Back to work. I kept thinking that my situation at CNN would get better. I kept going back into work each and every day thinking I was closer to my work and life goals. I even had a CNN Passport to shadow people at CNN Radio and the year before I had a shadow session on the National Desk. I even applied to different jobs like social media producer, HLN Associate Producer, and to a writing workshop for a week. I failed to get into all of those things.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that nobody was going to see or know what kind of good work I was going to do since I was five floors away from everyone who was a decision maker. I got yelled at and disrespected more and more for my editing, for my decision making on what to edit, and for my decision making on taking certain requests over others. Ultimately, the bottom fell out for me at CNN. On November 11, 2011, a day that will live in infamy as 11.11.11, I got laid off at CNN.
It was over. My 11 year career at CNN came to an end. The good news was that I got a half-year of severance pay and more quality time with my wife at home. Kelly got me through those tough times when I was searching for a job. I got to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with her at the end of the year.
Early in 2012, I got a lifeline. I got some freelance work as an editor for the Weather Channel. I got a shift anytime someone called in sick or went on vacation. Sometimes I got called into work on the day of. It make planning for life hard sometimes, but I made it work. I applied for a Video Producer position later that year, but I got passed over in favor of six other people. I still got some freelance work as a video producer and as an edit support worker from March until August. I would have liked to stayed at TWC, but I never found anything full time that I could do.
August 2012 was when I started a new full-time job with WGCL-TV here in Atlanta as a non-linear video editor. I mostly edit VOs, SOTs, VO/SOTs, and I throw in packages that other people have edited and move them electronically to playback for air. This past year, I have edited more packages for sports. That has made me feel good and has given me some sense of accomplishment.
After my wife and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary, Kelly to me that she was pregnant with our first child. I am going to be a father for the first time any day now. I mean, it could be any minute now. I want to do everything I can in order to be an excellent father for my son Ben.
I know that we went through the good times and the bad times together. Late in your life, when we lived together again, we clashed a lot. I got angry at you because I felt that you were trying to parent me and micromanage my life all over again well into my 20's and early 30's. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad. I just wanted space that I felt that I earned after showing signs that I could support myself and make a living.
I don't know what the future holds just yet. I want more out of my career than just cutting basic videos every day. I will continue to seek out opportunities in my field. I even hope that there's still a chance that I could be a voice talent somewhere. I want to pursue other opportunities here at the station, but I will keep all my options open.
I wish there was something you could tell me about how to be a good father. Ben is my first child and I want to do everything right for him and by him.
I hope you're doing well up in Heaven and that all your suffering is gone.
I love you and I wish you nothing but the best.
Zach
I'm writing to you because I am going to be a father for the first time. Also, you have been popping up in my dreams lately. Each dream is about the same where you come back after so many years and you ask me 'what have I done'?
Also, my wife and I have our little baby Ben's room decorated and put together. All we need now is for Ben to arrive. If I end this letter abruptly at anytime, that means it's go time for me to get my wife and I to the hospital.
A lot has happened in the six-and-a-half years since you passed away. Near the end of 2007, I met a beautiful woman named Kelly Sanders who agreed to go out on a few dates with me. They went so well we became a couple within 10 days and we have been together for six years. You were right that a good woman would come along for me and that all I had to do was be patient.
Before I met Kelly, I met up with a cat named Phillip. One of my former CNN colleagues asked me if I wanted to adopt him. I was reluctant at first because I never owned a pet except for that goldfish in high school. I couldn't resist the look on that cat's face, and before you know it, I adopted him. I renamed him Daniel. Daniel T. Cat was his name. He was one of my favorite cats of all time. Of course he scratched me, walked on me, meowed at me, sat on my lap, and loved me. I bet you never thought I would be a cat person.
I also took a record 4 trips out west from here in Atlanta from May-December of '07. I went to California 3 times and Arizona twice. I even pulled off a sports trip extravaganza during the Christmas Holiday that year. That was where I went to an Arizona Cardinals game against the Atlanta Falcons at the new home of the Arizona Cardinals, University of Phoenix Stadium. The next day (Christmas Eve 2007) I attended a San Diego Chargers game against the Denver Broncos for Monday Night Football. My first and last Christmas by myself, I attended a Phoenix Suns/Los Angeles Lakers game at Staples Center. After that, I retreated to my motel room and konked out for the night.
In 2008, I went on my first cruise ship. Kelly and I took a trip to Miami to board a Carnival Cruise to Key West and Cozumel. I am now addicted to cruises and want to go back on them again. I've been to four in total with the last one to tell you about later. Later that year, it felt right to ask Kelly to move in with me, and she did. She has done wonders on the house I still live in today. It has truly become our home. I even took to painting the inner walls of the house that year. Let's just say I got better at painting as time goes on.
In 2009, one of your old friends, Frank Vale Sr., called me looking for you one day. I had to tell him that you were no longer with us. Sometime after that, he told me that my mom didn't die the way you told me she did. With the help of Kelly, she helped my find my mom and that side of the family. It was one of the most exciting, important events of my life. Mom, Gena, Helen, and George (and all of their children) welcomed Kelly and I with open arms. It was a sad day for me when I had to leave the Tulsa Airport. The flight home was made worse when our flight got delayed and missed our connecting flight in Memphis and didn't get home until way, way late on Labor Day 2009. I've gone on to visit my mom and family about three times a year since then.
2010 would prove to be a difficult year working for CNN and cnn.com for me. At the some time, March 2010 was a great time for me because that was when I got engaged to Kelly on Tybee Island, GA. It was the happiest day of my life at that point. In August of 2009, I took an editing rotation for cnn.com so that I could have weekends off. That decision made for great quality time with Kelly as we got to spend more time together watching movies, going to games, visiting her family with her, and visiting my family with her. January 16, 2010 was the first birthday that I knew of that I got to spend my birthday with my mom, and it has been the only one to date.
Part of my problems with working for cnn.com was that I got rushed a lot in having to edit multiple video requests at one time. The people that were making requests were rude, didn't know the rules of what videos I could post and not post, and didn't like what I edited when I put a lot of time and effort into them. There were times I got frustrated and 'blew up' at people, and I did that either by phone, in person, or e-mail. I just felt disrespected and never got the due that I deserved for the work that I did. The best thing that was said on my review was that I could edit a ton of video each day. I did that because I had to. I had too many "ASAP" requests that I believe never should have been "ASAP." I tried not to complain about the heavy rush workload for so long before I failed and did complain.
In 2011, I was winding down my rotation at cnn.com because I was told I needed to get back into the edit pool and sharpen my skills on our new editing system, Final Cut Pro. On April 2, 2011, the best day of my life, I got married to the beautiful, wonderful Kelly Sanders on board the Carnival Imagination in Jacksonville, Florida. My mother and my sister Helen were there and it was beautiful. That meant so much to me for both of them to be there with me and Kelly.
After I returned from my honeymoon, I returned to work at CNN. On my first day back, I had an incident where I didn't see an interview feed in from London that I was supposed to edit and send to playback. The associate producer yelled at me and gave me a hard time. She made it seem like it was my fault. I admit I had a slow start in getting back into the work groove, but I thought I was gaining steam. Later on that day, one of my bosses told me that one of the post production editors got injured. That forced one of the regular cnn.com editors to move back to post production, and I was asked to move back to cnn.com for the day (and for a while).
I didn't mind the assignment at first, but after a while, weeks, months would go by and I found myself working more at cnn.com video than I did inside the CNN Edit Pool. Only four weeks into my marriage, I suffered a big health scare. I had to call 911 and get an ambulance to go to the hospital. At first, I thought I was having major chest pain (something close to a heart attack). Instead, it was just a case of acid reflux disease. I gave up junk food, fried foods, soda, and coffee for at least four months. I lost weight along the way and I dropped down to as little as 169 pounds in the procuess.
Back to work. I kept thinking that my situation at CNN would get better. I kept going back into work each and every day thinking I was closer to my work and life goals. I even had a CNN Passport to shadow people at CNN Radio and the year before I had a shadow session on the National Desk. I even applied to different jobs like social media producer, HLN Associate Producer, and to a writing workshop for a week. I failed to get into all of those things.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that nobody was going to see or know what kind of good work I was going to do since I was five floors away from everyone who was a decision maker. I got yelled at and disrespected more and more for my editing, for my decision making on what to edit, and for my decision making on taking certain requests over others. Ultimately, the bottom fell out for me at CNN. On November 11, 2011, a day that will live in infamy as 11.11.11, I got laid off at CNN.
It was over. My 11 year career at CNN came to an end. The good news was that I got a half-year of severance pay and more quality time with my wife at home. Kelly got me through those tough times when I was searching for a job. I got to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with her at the end of the year.
Early in 2012, I got a lifeline. I got some freelance work as an editor for the Weather Channel. I got a shift anytime someone called in sick or went on vacation. Sometimes I got called into work on the day of. It make planning for life hard sometimes, but I made it work. I applied for a Video Producer position later that year, but I got passed over in favor of six other people. I still got some freelance work as a video producer and as an edit support worker from March until August. I would have liked to stayed at TWC, but I never found anything full time that I could do.
August 2012 was when I started a new full-time job with WGCL-TV here in Atlanta as a non-linear video editor. I mostly edit VOs, SOTs, VO/SOTs, and I throw in packages that other people have edited and move them electronically to playback for air. This past year, I have edited more packages for sports. That has made me feel good and has given me some sense of accomplishment.
After my wife and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary, Kelly to me that she was pregnant with our first child. I am going to be a father for the first time any day now. I mean, it could be any minute now. I want to do everything I can in order to be an excellent father for my son Ben.
I know that we went through the good times and the bad times together. Late in your life, when we lived together again, we clashed a lot. I got angry at you because I felt that you were trying to parent me and micromanage my life all over again well into my 20's and early 30's. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad. I just wanted space that I felt that I earned after showing signs that I could support myself and make a living.
I don't know what the future holds just yet. I want more out of my career than just cutting basic videos every day. I will continue to seek out opportunities in my field. I even hope that there's still a chance that I could be a voice talent somewhere. I want to pursue other opportunities here at the station, but I will keep all my options open.
I wish there was something you could tell me about how to be a good father. Ben is my first child and I want to do everything right for him and by him.
I hope you're doing well up in Heaven and that all your suffering is gone.
I love you and I wish you nothing but the best.
Zach
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Bad dream unrealized
Early Saturday Morning, I had a dream where the Phoenix Suns lost a home game to the Dallas Mavericks at US Airways Center that day.
After the dream game was over, I was a talk show host discussing the game inside a glass partition of the arena. I think I was saying that the Suns have to hurry up and get the taste of losing out of their math. I also said that it was gut check time to see what the Suns were made of.
In my dream, the final score was 79-74 Mavericks.
In reality, The Suns won back-to-back games over the weekend. They beat the Denver Nuggets in come from behind fashion 103-99 on Friday. Last Night, the Suns BEAT the Dallas Mavericks 123-108 in a mini-blowout.
FRIDAY: SUNS BEAT NUGGETS 103-99
http://www.nba.com/video/games/nuggets/2013/12/20/0021300390-phx-den-recap.nba
SATURDAY: SUNS BEAT MAVERICKS 123-108
http://www.nba.com/video/games/suns/2013/12/21/0021300400-dal-phx-recap.nba
After the dream game was over, I was a talk show host discussing the game inside a glass partition of the arena. I think I was saying that the Suns have to hurry up and get the taste of losing out of their math. I also said that it was gut check time to see what the Suns were made of.
In my dream, the final score was 79-74 Mavericks.
In reality, The Suns won back-to-back games over the weekend. They beat the Denver Nuggets in come from behind fashion 103-99 on Friday. Last Night, the Suns BEAT the Dallas Mavericks 123-108 in a mini-blowout.
FRIDAY: SUNS BEAT NUGGETS 103-99
http://www.nba.com/video/games/nuggets/2013/12/20/0021300390-phx-den-recap.nba
SATURDAY: SUNS BEAT MAVERICKS 123-108
http://www.nba.com/video/games/suns/2013/12/21/0021300400-dal-phx-recap.nba
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Monday, December 9, 2013
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Dreaming that I was in Toronto
I had a dream this morning that I was attending my first Toronto Blue Jays game inside the Skydome. Actually, it's called Rogers Centre now, but I still like the name Skydome.
I was sitting in the lower bowl of the third base line and watching a night game with the roof of the dome closed. I was sitting next to one of my former co-workers from The Weather Channel watching his New York Yankees play. It was a treat to be in a new baseball park for me for the first time in four years.
In reality, I've never been to Rogers Centre in Toronto. I would love to go to that once brand-spanking-new ballpark for a game someday.
There are now two (soon to be three) sports venues that have the Rogers name to it. In Vancouver, there's Rogers Arena (home of the Vancouver Canucks), Rogers Centre (home of the Toronto Blue Jays and Toronto Argonauts and occasionally the Buffalo Bills), and soon to be new home of the Edmonton Oilers, Rogers Place.
Also on Sunday, I was watching my Atlanta Falcons play the Buffalo Bills on TV. That game was held at Rogers Centre in Toronto instead of Ralph Wilson Stadium in Orchard Park, New York.
I was sitting in the lower bowl of the third base line and watching a night game with the roof of the dome closed. I was sitting next to one of my former co-workers from The Weather Channel watching his New York Yankees play. It was a treat to be in a new baseball park for me for the first time in four years.
In reality, I've never been to Rogers Centre in Toronto. I would love to go to that once brand-spanking-new ballpark for a game someday.
There are now two (soon to be three) sports venues that have the Rogers name to it. In Vancouver, there's Rogers Arena (home of the Vancouver Canucks), Rogers Centre (home of the Toronto Blue Jays and Toronto Argonauts and occasionally the Buffalo Bills), and soon to be new home of the Edmonton Oilers, Rogers Place.
Also on Sunday, I was watching my Atlanta Falcons play the Buffalo Bills on TV. That game was held at Rogers Centre in Toronto instead of Ralph Wilson Stadium in Orchard Park, New York.
Dreaming that I was back in Escondido
On Tuesday Morning, I had a dream that I was going eastbound up a hill on a street in Escondido, California. The street reminded me of going up Citracado Parkway on the south side of the city. I was riding in a car that was a combination of a Model-T/Jeep Wrangler.
I had a fun-filled time just being back in my hometown once again, even though it was but a dream. Maybe this dream was partly inspired by one of my favorite San Diego radio personalities and Facebook friends of all-time, Ernie Martinez.
In reality: I have not set foot back in Escondido since 2007. That was when I took off for a much needed vacation to California after my dad died. I hope one day to return there to visit and show my wife around my former hometown. I will even bring Ben along for the ride.
I had a fun-filled time just being back in my hometown once again, even though it was but a dream. Maybe this dream was partly inspired by one of my favorite San Diego radio personalities and Facebook friends of all-time, Ernie Martinez.
In reality: I have not set foot back in Escondido since 2007. That was when I took off for a much needed vacation to California after my dad died. I hope one day to return there to visit and show my wife around my former hometown. I will even bring Ben along for the ride.
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